Different ideologies...

supi

LOL
Endlich wird das mal auf den Punkt gebracht...

Hey, das ist ja lang nicht vollständig...

Religious Views of Life

Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens".

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. Shit will happen again to you next time. Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will seek salvation.

Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism: This shit happened before. This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Protestanism: Let shit happen to someone else.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. Shit happens because you have sinned.

Charismatic Catholicism: Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives?

Lutheranism: If shit happens, have faith, and it will stop happening.

Baptist: You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.

Presbyterianism: If shit has to happen, let it happen to someone else.

Calvinism: Shit happens, because you don't work hard enough.

Unitarianism: Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.

Voodoo: Shit doesn't just happen --- somebody dumped it on you.

Hare Krishna: Shit happens, Rama, Rama, Om, Om. Let all shit of the world unite to form a single global pile of shit.

Mormon: Hey, there's more shit over here! This shit happened before, and will happen again.

Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon. There is only a limited amount of good shit.

Seventh Day Adventism: Shit happens everyday but saturday. Work hard and on saturday shit happens.
*(They contradict.....makes ya think, doesn't it?)*

Wicca: If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.

Newage: That's not shit, it's feldspar. A firm shit does not happen to me. This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate. I create my own shit. If shit happenes, buy a new crystal.

Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.

Creationism: ... And the lord said, "Let there be shit" ... and there came piles of it ... After six days of shit he rested.

TV-Evangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.

Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor -- pray. If shit happens, don't worry, it goes away.

Atheism: I don't believe this shit. It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it. This shit doesn't happen.

Religion from an atheist's point of view: I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.

Realism: I think I have to take a shit.

Various Views of Life

Communism: It's everybody's shit. Shit doesn't happen, unless we say so.

Capitalism: Shit happens, and it will cost you!

Naziism: If shit happens, blame it on the Jews and gas them.

Militarism: Shit happens. By the numbers.

Orwellianism: Some shit is more equal than other shit. I am an agent of shit.

McCarthyism: Are you now, or have you ever been, shit? This shit is un-American, it must against all other communist shit...

Kennedyism: Ask not what the country's shit can do for you, ask what your shit can do for your country.

Nixonism: Shit didn't happen, and if it did, I didn't know anything about it.

Republicanism: If shit happens, raise the taxes.

Marie Antoinette-ism: If they can't afford bread, why don't they get shit instead? (Note: This is the real reason she got the guillotine.)

Ann Randism: I shit, therefore shit happens.

McLaineism: This shit has happened to me before.

Yuppieism: It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful?

Hippyism: If shit happens, make peace with it.

Rastafarian: Let's roll this shit up and smoke it.

Punkism: If shit happens, cause more!!!

Hedonism: When shit happens, enjoy it.

Descartesianism: excreto ergo sum

Darwinism: This shit evolved.

Fatalism: Not this shit again!

Wimpism: Awww, SHOOT!

Rand Objectivism: Shit is shit.

Heisenbergism: Shit happened, we just don't know where.

Armstrongism: It's a small piece of shit for man, but a giant pile of shit for mankind.

Optimism: Let's look on the bright side of this... Shit only happens once!

Pessimism: No good ever came out of shit and this shit ain't any good either. Shit happens forever.

Psychiatry: Take this thorazine and don't worry about your shit anymore.

Psychology: I can help you with your shit.

Paranoia: Shit happens, because it's a plot.

Green Peace: Save this shit.

Environmentalism: Recycle this shit.

Botanist: What these daisys need is some fresh shit.

Mathematics: Necessary and sufficient conditions for shit to occur are: 1.) Shit must exist and be continuous in a domain D. 2.) No shit must excees "SHIT" on the boundary of D.

Branch Davidians: I think we're in deep shit now. David thinks he's hot shit. Shit, we ain't coming out if we don't want to!

Employer: Shit happens, and it rolls down hill.

Boss:
(Evil) Do as I say, useless shit that you are. Your work is shit. You may only shit during coffee breaks.
(Good) Aw shit, take the whole day off!