Beiträge von Herb

There's a guy with a Doberman Pincer and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pincer says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The guy with the Doberman Pincer says, "Just follow my lead."

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pincer puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.

A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Doberman Pincer says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pincer?" He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."

The guy at the door says, "Come on in."

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "hey why not?," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua!?"

The California State Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the Yosemite and Mammoth areas.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bear unexpectedly. They also advise carrying pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity and know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

A man puts some golf balls in his front pants pockets and gets on a bus and sits next to a blonde.

She looks at him points at his pockets and asks "What's that?"

He says "That golf balls."

She replys "Does that hurt as much a tennis elbow?"

I've messed up the monitor somehow

1,039 Esso Rode Til 17 km hinter Grenze Neuschanz
1,059 Shell Automat Noordwijk

Logical Scientist
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit ......

Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet.

On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder ......

Dave: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession

Dave: - Oh! What's that then?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example . Do you have a goldfish at home?

Dave: - Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Dave: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ... built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?

Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Dave: - Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?

Dave: - Do what? Not me mate!

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Dave: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive ... thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.

Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Stuart: - What's that then?

Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Stuart: - Nope

Dave: - Well then, you're a wanker.

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma comefirst. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who'sa talkin' abouta sex?
I'm just a tellin' my frienda howa to spell Mississippi."

Wenn Dein Einsatzzweck sehr heiss ist, probier mal Birnenholz, wird von Glasbläsern benutzt. Hast Du feuchte Belastung probier Buchsbaum, wird zum Flöten bauen genommen. Beides ist nicht so einfach in grösseren Abmessungen zu kriegen.

1,025 Automat Noordwijk meistens 0,005 tuerer als Roode Til 17km hinter Neuschanz.

Dann wettet mal schoen;)

1,015 Esso Rode Til 17 km hinter Grenze Neuschanz, schon ne Weile her dies Niveau.