There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses. The Results are pretty interesting:
1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good Man, and they would have married him anyway. :p
Neulich im Supermarkt
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter - let's look for yours."
Und bevor einer meckert, daß man das auch alles in einen Post packen könnte...
THE TEXAS PREACHER
The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets!"
The preacher fainted
Moin
lovely!! All of them...!
Aber der erste:
Zitat"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor!"
hier liegt das Wortspiel und ich sage den Satz jetzt seit 10 Minuten vor mich hin, aber ich finde den Witz nicht...klärst Du uns auf?
Grüße
der Dingens
Und noch ein ganz Kranker 
3 young boys are sitting at the lake fishing when the first one wonders what the fastest thing in the world is.
The second one says you know I believe that light must be the fastest thing in the world cause you know when you go to bed at night & ya hafta go to the light switch to turn it off no matter how bad you want to be in bed fore it gets dark in your room the light is always gone before you get there.
Yep says the first light sure is quick; but ya know I believe that thought is faster than light. You know how you can think about the moon then saturn then the sun & then about a peanut butter sandwich in the blink of an eye so I believe thought is faster than light.
Yep says the second now ya mention it I believe your right. They both turn & look at the third boy & ask What do you think?
The third replies I believe it's your bowels. Your bowels they cried! Yep he says: Last night I was in my bed when my brother who shares my room got up to take a leak. He was too tired to go to the toilet so he just opened the window & pissed out the window. Now that house is old & that window ain't trust worthy. True as I tell you that window slammed shut on my brothers pee pee & before he could think he'd shit.
ZitatAlles anzeigenOriginal geschrieben von Dingens
Moin
lovely!! All of them...!
Aber der erste:
hier liegt das Wortspiel und ich sage den Satz jetzt seit 10 Minuten vor mich hin, aber ich finde den Witz nicht...klärst Du uns auf?
Grüße
der Dingens
Er meint es ist nur Scheiße im Vergaser
Sie versteht sie soll in den Vergaser scheißen
Moin!
Jo!! Nun hab ichs auch!
Grüße und Danke
Der Dingens
Oh shit!
Giovanni was a mobster whose time had arrived. There were openings in the family structure & he was invited to have lunch with The Boss.
He arrived at the penthouse on time & well dressed. He was impressed as lunch was served on the balconey.
"Giovanni" says the Godfather. "Are you happy in the family?"
"Yes,Yes"replies Giovanni "I'm well treated & try to be of service.
GF "Thats well said but I don't know you as well as I need to. I must choose about your place in our family & must be right."
GIO " I hear you Godfather. Ask what ever you must."
GF "Giovanni do you prefer women or something else?"
GIO "Uh yes I like the women. I not like the something else.
GF "I see. You like women young or older?"
GIO "I prefer them young."
GF "You like a complexion that is dry & rough?
GIO " No! I like smooth complexion. Supple like an olive.
GF "How about hair? You like a woman to have a moustache or ratty nasty hair?
GIO "No!No! No moustache & hair that is long, flowing, black.
GF "Do you like breasts? You like them to sag down on the belly?
GIO "Yes I like them but I like them large, firm & up high."
GF "Now I'm confused. Having heard about you from your own mouth. I wonder, Why you sleep with my wife?"
Oh holy shit
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, since it was payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Moin
Neulich in Irland:
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golf pro is.
“Top of the mornin to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick ‘hello’ and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
“What are those”, asks the attendant.
“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.
“Well, what on God’s earth are dey for.” inquires the Irishman.
“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.
“Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything.”
Grüße
Der Dingens
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