Beiträge von Herb

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town.
After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, 'go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflatable doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference.'

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says, 'you know, I think my girl was dead!'

'Dead?' says his friend, 'why do you say that?’
‘Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.'
His friend says, 'Could be worse I think mine was a witch.'
'A witch ??. . Why the hell would you say that?'
'Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window... took my teeth with her!'

An Alberta farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door

"Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."

The boy thought for a moment.
"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?"

"Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup."

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"Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

(You are not required to tell anyone how you would have done on this test.)

Old Golfers

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.
"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad... once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion:
"Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try."
"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three. He can't help."
"He may be a hundred and three," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up; takes an almighty swing; .... and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law.
"Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did!", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."
"Where did it go?", asks Arthur.

"Can't remember."

Die Auslands-Geschichte interessiert mich auch.
Inwieweit ist man im EU-Bereich gegenueber dem Sozialhilfetraeger auskunftspflichtig bzw. greifbar?

Das ist ein immerwiederkehrender Mythos, in den Samen ist kaum was enthalten.
http://www.pepperworld.com/cms/grundlagen/capsaicin.php

Deeply profound thoughts by men.

Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Joey says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife.
She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'

Big B continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,
'You better think it over Joey.
Women like that are hard to find.'

So ich amuesier mich mal weiter als Alleinunterhalter hier;)

Eine wesentlich billigere Loesung ohne Funk die noch ein paar andere Vorteile mit sich bringt ist eine Steckdosenleiste mit USB programmierbar, gibt's bei Pearl oder Condrad fuer 40 Tacken. Die kann schalten wenn ein bestimmtes Programm geoeffnet wird z.B. Notepad

Da schreib ich einen Batch, der einmal nachts mit einem Ping meinen Router anfragt und wenn der nicht antwortet wird das Ergebnis in eine Textdatei geschrieben und Notepad gestartet. Das veranlasst die Steckdosenleiste zu schalten.

Inwieweit das Ein und Aus schalten da programmierbar ist, muss ich noch rausfinden, sonst muss ich den Batch durch ein paar Warterunden laufen lassen und weitertesten bis der Ping wieder da ist.

Ich glaube billiger geht nicht

Update: aber noch einfacher mit einer kleinen Utility "sispmctlwin" kann man das Ding direkt aus DOS heraus steuern, der Batch ist simpel zu erstellen.

Hab ne Lösung für die harte Tour gefunden:
GSM FERNSCHALT-/ALARMMODUL GX107 von Conrad

Ne Software-Lösung wäre mir lieber gewesen aber der Router läßt sich vom Rechner einfach nicht mehr ansprechen.

Vielleicht hat ja noch jemand ne Idee.

In Bremen geht immer noch nix