Beiträge von Herb

    A drunk staggers into Denny's and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef.


    "Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?"


    Gus replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left."


    The waiter says, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference."


    Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks,
    "Where'd you get those eggs?"


    She replies, "We have our own chicken farm."


    The drunk asks, "Do you have a rooster?


    "No," she says.


    The drunk replies, "Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens."

    A man walks in a bank, gets in line and when it is his turn he pulls out a gun and robs the bank! Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?"


    The customer replies, "Yes"
    The bank robber raises his gun, points it to the customer's head and BANG !!!, shoots him in the head and kills him.
    He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man. "Did you see me rob this bank?"


    The man calmly responds... "No, but my wife did!"

    Riecht nach kreuzverketteten Dateien, warscheinlich mal der Rechner oder das Programm abgeschmiert bei Dateischreibvorgaengen. Lass mal Chkdsk in der DOS box laufen. Wahrscheinlich werden einige Dateien nicht komplett wiederherstellbar sein. Kannst Dir die Fragmente dann mal ansehen, sind aber bei grossen Dateien in der Regel nicht mehr zu gebrauchen.

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
    over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a
    partial sponge bath.
    'Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'
    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here
    to wash your upper body and feet.'
    He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles
    black?'
    Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from
    worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls
    back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and
    his testicles in the other.
    Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them,
    Sir!'
    The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
    'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
    closely..... .
    A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

    Zu P1: Auto filter sortiert nicht, Datenfeld markieren, Menu Daten Sortieren Titelzeile anklicken, Sortierfeld waehlen und Sortieren. Das merkt sich Excel und in Zukunft braucht man nur noch in das zu sortierende Feld clicken und dann den Button A mit Pfeil runter oder Z und Pfeil runter anclicken


    Zu P2: sieht eindeutig nach Texteingabe aus, wenn Du Datum eingeben willst dann nur 4.1 oder 3.2
    Mit Punkt dahinter musst Du auch die Jahreszahl eingeben -> 4.1.8


    Zu P3/P4: Nix geheimes ;) Symbolleisten anpassen Dialog, nennt sich "Alle Anzeigen" wird als Text angezeigt, laesst sich im Deutschen Excel leider nicht mit Alt+A ansprechen landest Du in der Ansicht, aber immerhin klickbar und alle Filter sind raus. In Englischem Excel heisst er "Show all" und reagiert auf Alt+S