Beiträge von Herb

In honour of St. Patrick's day

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' rather important to tell ye."

"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome here, Tim." says Brenda. "But where's me husband, Shamus?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ye, Lass. There's been a simply tragic accident down at the Guiness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is gone. I'm dreadfully sorry, Lass."

Finally, Brenda looks up at Tim and tearfully asks, "Please tell me how it happened, Tim."

"Aw, Lass, it was terrible. Poor Shamus fell into a vat o' Guiness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my Sweet Jesus! But please tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, no, Lass... not exactly."

"No?"

"No, fact is, he got out three times to visit the men's room."

Seitdem ich gelernt hab was man damit alles machen kann, blinken meine Spreadsheets wie Puffampeln

Eine andere Möglichkeit ist die konditionelle Formatierung, Ich mag auch keine Nullen in Üebersichten. Einfach die lokale Zelle z.b. a1=0 als Kondition eingeben und ueber die Fontfarbe gleich Hintergrundfarbe ist die 0 unsichtbar. Das Format kannst Du dann ueberall hinkopieren oder mit dem Pinsel übertragen.

Ja, iss nicht so einfach zu realisieren aber entspricht dem Grund-Wunsch von tinchen2 ohne in ein illegales Fettnäpfchen zu treten.

Ich persönlich würd mir einfach die erforderlichen Lizenzen kaufen, weil Geld allein kann nicht das Problem sein, dann hapertst auch sonst so, irgendwo :shrug:

Wenn Du mit einer Lizenz 2 Rechner bedienen willst mußt Du es auf einen USB-stick installieren, damit wird ausgeschlossen, daß es gleichzeitig auf 2 PC's in Betrieb ist. Offiziell geht das gar nicht, aber gockl mal danach und Du stellst fest es ist legal.

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager,
'Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflatable doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, i'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference.'

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says,
'You know, i think my girl was dead!'

'Dead?' says his friend,
'Why do you say that?'

'Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time i was loving her.'

his friend says,
'Could be worse i think mine was a witch.'

'A witch ??. . Why the hell would you say that?'

'Well, i was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and i gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window... Took my teeth with her!'

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger is captured by Indians... The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?'

The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.' The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on
his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. 'You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?'

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, evenmore attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. 'What is your last request?'

The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse....alone.' The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the
eye and says,
'Listen very carefully you dumb a$$. For the last time

. . .BRING THE POSSEEEE.'

Kenne das Problem haengt von der System-Einstellung Sprache/Tastatur ab. Macht aber auch Datums-Eingaben sehr einfach. Text formatieren hilft hier nicht.

Abhilfe bei 2 und 3 stufigen Requirements immer erst ' tippen, oder grundsaetzlich hinter dem Requirement auch einen Punkt setzen 1.2. das hat den Vorteil, das sich diese Daten in einer Datenbank anschliessend leichter auswerten lassen.

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.

One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"

"Yeah," says the other cowboy.

"Look," says the first one, "he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."

Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."

"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"

The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."

Shit happens, habe auch letzte Woche 5min UMTS-Roaming in Holland aktiv gehabt, waren 74 Tacken bei Vodafone.de dabei hab ich ne hollaendische t-mobile Karte fuer 2,50 /Tag, selber Schuld :gpaul: