Beiträge von Herb

Kann nur empfehlen sich das ueber eine Wegwerf-Mailaddresse zu ziehen, die spammen hinterher jahrelang weiter, wenns dann nicht mehr kostenlos ist. Diese Tour wird regelmaessig wiederholt.

Kannste mal deinen Namen uebersetzen? :p

A Moving poem
I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you.

It was to me, and it's very well written.

ENJOY!

" WINTER "

a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McInquire

SH*T!

It's Cold !

Ich krieg ne Krise, das Teil hockt seid letzten Freitag bei DHL irgendwo mit "Shipment on Hold", kein Hinweis wo, keine Karte im Briefkasten. Das deutsche DHL kann mit der englischen Trackingnummer nichts anfangen, Klasse Saftladen

Ich bin jetzt erst mal wieder 10 Tage unterwegs und bekomm es nicht in die Finger, grrr

Und zum Abschluß noch ein Weihnachtsbraten :p

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that!! I thought it was perfect for people, like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN 6-7 lb. Chicken 1 cup melted butter 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good) 1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHERS LOW FAT)

Salt/pepper to taste ____ Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds.

When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.

And you thought I couldn't cook.

Hier noch einer wo mir wirklich die Tränen gekommen sind vor Lachen

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson;

Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS

Wisconsin Cow

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Antigo, Wisconsin, for $200.00.

They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Wisconsin?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wisconsin."

Tja und wo kommt Eure Frau her

Oh holy shit

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, since it was payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Oh shit!

Giovanni was a mobster whose time had arrived. There were openings in the family structure & he was invited to have lunch with The Boss.

He arrived at the penthouse on time & well dressed. He was impressed as lunch was served on the balconey.

"Giovanni" says the Godfather. "Are you happy in the family?"

"Yes,Yes"replies Giovanni "I'm well treated & try to be of service.

GF "Thats well said but I don't know you as well as I need to. I must choose about your place in our family & must be right."

GIO " I hear you Godfather. Ask what ever you must."

GF "Giovanni do you prefer women or something else?"

GIO "Uh yes I like the women. I not like the something else.

GF "I see. You like women young or older?"

GIO "I prefer them young."

GF "You like a complexion that is dry & rough?

GIO " No! I like smooth complexion. Supple like an olive.

GF "How about hair? You like a woman to have a moustache or ratty nasty hair?

GIO "No!No! No moustache & hair that is long, flowing, black.

GF "Do you like breasts? You like them to sag down on the belly?

GIO "Yes I like them but I like them large, firm & up high."

GF "Now I'm confused. Having heard about you from your own mouth. I wonder, Why you sleep with my wife?"

Zitat

Original geschrieben von Dingens
Moin
lovely!! All of them...!
Aber der erste:

hier liegt das Wortspiel und ich sage den Satz jetzt seit 10 Minuten vor mich hin, aber ich finde den Witz nicht...klärst Du uns auf?
Grüße
der Dingens

Alles anzeigen

Er meint es ist nur Scheiße im Vergaser
Sie versteht sie soll in den Vergaser scheißen

Und noch ein ganz Kranker

3 young boys are sitting at the lake fishing when the first one wonders what the fastest thing in the world is.

The second one says you know I believe that light must be the fastest thing in the world cause you know when you go to bed at night & ya hafta go to the light switch to turn it off no matter how bad you want to be in bed fore it gets dark in your room the light is always gone before you get there.

Yep says the first light sure is quick; but ya know I believe that thought is faster than light. You know how you can think about the moon then saturn then the sun & then about a peanut butter sandwich in the blink of an eye so I believe thought is faster than light.

Yep says the second now ya mention it I believe your right. They both turn & look at the third boy & ask What do you think?

The third replies I believe it's your bowels. Your bowels they cried! Yep he says: Last night I was in my bed when my brother who shares my room got up to take a leak. He was too tired to go to the toilet so he just opened the window & pissed out the window. Now that house is old & that window ain't trust worthy. True as I tell you that window slammed shut on my brothers pee pee & before he could think he'd shit.