Einige Witze für euch!

Wisconsin Cow

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Antigo, Wisconsin, for $200.00.

They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Wisconsin?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wisconsin."

Tja und wo kommt Eure Frau her

Moin
und ich hätte fast mal eine aus Wisconsin geheiratet und Tierarzt bin ich auch!
Stimmt wirklich!
Grüße
Der Dingens

Hier noch einer wo mir wirklich die Tränen gekommen sind vor Lachen

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson;

Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS

Und zum Abschluß noch ein Weihnachtsbraten :p

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that!! I thought it was perfect for people, like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN 6-7 lb. Chicken 1 cup melted butter 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good) 1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHERS LOW FAT)

Salt/pepper to taste ____ Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds.

When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.

And you thought I couldn't cook.

Ähm...

Könntest Du so nett sein, und die Übersetzung dazuschreiben?
Nur mal so als Anregung, nicht jeder ist zweisprachig aufgewachsen. Wurde zwar schon vor einiger Zeit mal vorgeschlagen, aber scheinbar ist es einfacher, die Witze per Copy-Paste aus irgendwelchen englischen Foren zu übernehmen, als die so zu schreiben, daß man die hier auch lesen kann.

http://www.dict.leo.org

Eine Übersetzung wäre zwar nett, aber einige Witze funktionieren einfach nur in Englisch. Wie der mit dem Vergaser, oder der von Tiger Woods (welcher 1a war :-D).

Moin
jau, das ist das Problem...ich hatte überlegt Tiger Woods zu übersetzen..aber das geht nicht. Also nicht posten? Zu schade...:D
Grüße
der Dingens

OK, bei solchen Wortspielen, die funktionieren natürlich nur in einer Sprache, aber bei den anderen "normalen" Witzen, sollte man sich dann schon die Mühe machen.

Kannste mal deinen Namen uebersetzen? :p

A Moving poem
I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you.

It was to me, and it's very well written.

ENJOY!

" WINTER "

a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McInquire

SH*T!

It's Cold !

Ein 15-jähriger Junge fragt seinen Papa, ob er am Abend auf einer Party Alkohol trinken darf. Sein Vater erlaubt es ihm. Am nächsten Morgen, als der Junge wach wird, hat er überall blaue Flecken und wundert sich, da er sich an nichts mehr erinnern kann. Er fragt seinen Papa: "Papa, hast du mich heute nacht etwa noch verprügelt!?"

Der Papa: "Sohn!!! Wenn du morgens um halb vier Sturm klingelst, dann ist das ok. Wenn du dann direkt ins Badezimmer rennst, und in die Badewanne kotzt, ist das auch ok. Wenn du mich als Zuhälter beschimpfst, ist das auch noch ok. Wenn du zu deiner Mutter Schlampe sags, naja, dann lass ich das auch noch durchgehen, ABER wenn du dann noch ins Wohnzimmer gehst, auf den Teppich kackst, Salzstangen rein steckst, und zu mir sagst: 'ALTER, der Igel wohnt jetzt hier' - das geht zu weit!!!!"